Tuesday, July 30, 2013


I often find my own mind at war with itself. One side against the other. Warring, making a mess of my sanity and confusing my heart very much. Oh, it is no secret that my heart gets into the middle of my warring mind. It is the only thing that ends up getting hurt.
My thoughts keep me up at night. I get not even a wink of sleep. Why must a mind be such a blessing and a curse? One half says, "you must do what is upstanding and right! You mustn't be a stranger to the Lord." I, more than anything, want to follow this voice. But then the other side urges me towards the way of the world. Saying you must belong to us. You must long for things you cannot have, please compare yourself to this person that looks to be way better off than you.
I have a war in my mind and you would never guess it. It is a pain that can only be cured by the peace of the Lord. But things are always easier said than done.

Monday, July 29, 2013

An old thought but a good thought

I wrote this post awhile back and never had the chance to post it. So, here ya go:

Schools out for the summer, work training has been undergone and right now I am on my way to San Francisco. I'm going with my school band, nerdy I know, but a wonderful opportunity. I'm getting to know my classmates so well and I can't wait to see the busy streets of San Fran.
I have been watching many of my school mates and they seem to have a lost passion for life, or maybe they never had a zealousness for it. It makes me sad that they have already lost the curiosity of their childhood. To me life should be something to get excited about and something that should be explored. As children we all were little explorers, discovering the world around us. We went everywhere we wanted, put everything in our mouths, and stuck our fingers everywhere. So, where did that curiosity go? For people like me the curiosity isn't gone I ask a million plus one questions daily, I go where there is no path simply because that's what I want to explore. I have no clue why it is but I have and inexplicable obsession with the ever present possibility of adventure. Everything I do is an adventure like going on a walk or to the store. I believe that anything can be an adventure if one thinks of it in such a way.
Others on the opposite spectrum must find everything so routine, everything is same old same old. Nothing is exciting and adrenaline rushing. I was talking to a boy and I said something about visiting San Fran again when I'm older and he looked shocked, "why would you do that? You have already been there," he said. I told him that there are tons of things to be discovered and it can't all be done in a single trip. He was simply baffled and I must admit that I was too, but for a very different reason. How can my generation be so un-thrilled about going places? If I love a place I want to visit over and over until every corner had been memorized.
I want to be an explorer of the world and I guess I have a hard time finding tolerance for people comfortable with the boring and expectable. Life is short, live big and meaningful while you have it.